Heartbreaking Day

I woke up this morning to personal heartbreak and I went into school insisting that I have a good day despite it. These kids deserve that. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Teaching is one of those jobs where your personal matters should never enter that classroom. Of course your students should see you emotional at times; it lets them know their teacher is still human. But there is a point where your personal life needs to be left at that door, and that's what I did today. As I looked into the 25 eyes of my first 4th grade class, it was affirmed yet again how naive and innocent children are. Most of them don't know heartbreak, death, abuse, stress, etc. All they have to do is go to school, play with their friends, enjoy their family, and play some games.

We all know that key word "most" is a crucial word in explaining this. Some kids absolutely do know mature emotions. It's unfortunate. In this case I'm going to talk about neglect.

My second 4th grade class includes one special education student. He is behaviorally challenged and has no services at school or at home. He comes to class day after day, prepared with his book and pencil case, but will not open the book and will not take out a pencil. His partner will eventually do this for him if I don't get there first. What kills me is his facial expression. I have never once seen him smile, smirk, or laugh. His eyebrows are in a constant furrow and his lips in a frown. This seems exaggerated but I wouldn't be writing it if it was. It's almost as if I want to dress up in a clown costume, do a stupid dance and make a fool of myself all to get the tiniest ounce of happiness out of this kid. His eyes are so sad and his body language kills me everyday he walks into that classroom.

I realize I'm going to explain this like it's out of a scene of a movie... but that's how I write long stories like this one.. so deal with it.

Today I realized this student wasn't writing anything, so I went over and tried to get him to copy out of his partner's book. When I asked for his pencil, he hid it behind his back and wouldn't budge. I decided to leave it be. Next was a fun English game where they needed to flick an eraser and state the sentence where it landed. I asked his partner if he had an eraser. He said no, so I reached for the boy's eraser which was sitting on his desk. He slammed down his hand and wouldn't let me have it. I gave his partner my eraser and told him to play with the team in front of him. I thought the boy would see how much fun the game was and involve himself. Plan backfired. Instead, he started pushing the chair in front of him with his feet, which happened to have a classmate sitting in it. This classmate was now getting squished between his chair and desk. He asked the boy kindly to stop.
*Since teaching here, I've realized Korean children are very good at problem solving. (I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before in another entry.) Unlike children back home, they can discuss their disagreements and issues without a teacher's help. They are quite the independent children*
Knowing this, I watched the situation unfold from from afar, keeping a keen eye. Once I realized it wasn't working and the student was now in pain from getting too far squished, I quietly went over and asked the student if he wanted to move his seat so he wouldn't get hurt, and he did. I thought this would stop the boy, but he then continued on to push the now empty desk into the one in front of that, which of course had a girl sitting in it. She began to cry out because she was now the one trapped in between her chair and desk
*Koreans are very physical. In school, students hit, smack, and punch each other left and right. In this culture, it's not perceived like it is in the West. I've wrote about this multiple times on how I've accepted it because it's usually all in good fun. It is half my classroom however so  I reprimand the act every time I see it, but of course it means nothing if the the next time the Korean teacher is laughing about it and turning it into a joke. (This is something I've just accepted, because I can't be bothered worrying about it anymore.)*
However, this situation was starting to get entirely out of control, so I used my best educated judgement to take action. I may be the Native Teacher but I am still a teacher in that classroom, and this girl was now crying out, clenching her back and yelling at him to stop. I went over, picked up the desk right behind her that was pushing into her and slammed it down. I then took it along with the chair and swung it around to lean it against the wall, so that he now had a huge empty space in front of him with nothing to push. There was 3 minutes left of class, but of course all of the students went silent and looked over to see what had just happened. My CT and I directed their attention back to their work but the sound of this boy's now stomping feet were distracting. Both of us ignored him and when class ended, 2/3 of the students went and hovered around the boy. Of course that just worked him up even more. The stomping got louder and he was now flailing his arms telling them to go away. I looked up at my CT and told her, "They're making it worse by standing there.." She nodded her head and then left the room. I thought she had gone to fetch their homeroom teacher. No... I found out 2 minutes later that she was casually walking back from the bathroom. After she left the room, I quietly tried to control the situation and ask the students to leave the classroom. Most of them did except a select few boys who stayed with the boy and tried to calm him down. He was now really moving and getting violent. This is only my second year of teaching, on top of not speaking these kids' language and coming from a completely different culture...I used every bit of knowledge that I had. Do I run and get his homeroom teacher or do I stay with them so that he doesn't injure himself or anyone else? I decided to quickly run and get the homeroom teacher. As she walked back to the classroom with me, I witnessed the boy being dragged out into the hallway on his chair. Yeah... this is how his classmates decided to go about the situation. Bless their hearts. As we got closer, the boy rose up and started violently hitting the other kids. Complete breakdown time. This is when I saw my CT walking back from the bathroom, expressionless. Not a bother in the world. I made the rest of the students in the hallway leave, and my next class who were all hanging out the doorway watching, to get back inside. The homeroom teacher and the school secretary, who happened to be on our floor, were now there so I gathered that it was my time to leave.

Before class started, I talked quickly to my CT about it. I asked her if he has some kind of services here. She went on to say that "No. His father does not want him in a 'special school.' In Korea, if your child is special and gets services, it means your child is low and that doesn't look good for the parents. I know in America, things are different." I finally got the facial expressions I was looking for.. she felt somewhat sorry for the boy. I don't know if it was quite empathy, but at least it was some sort of sympathy. Despite the fumes coming out of me, I, politely as I could,  said, "It's such a shame because it is SO SIMPLE to educate him and make him happy with the right services." Neglect. His father is neglectful. He, along with these other parents who are keeping their children in classrooms without the proper resources, are neglectful. And it is so wrong. This happens all over the world. I'm no longer just talking about Korea. We teachers, we see it all the time. And it breaks our hearts. She told me we need to ignore him (I could'v'e put a 10k bet on that response.) I told her that I did ignore the situation in the beginning but when the other students clearly started getting hurt, I needed to do something. She said I did everything right, which I'm having a hard time believing she fully meant, but I'll take it. I'm living in the culture of "saving face" and not wanting to be confrontational because that is seen as embarrassing.

I now had a class to teach and had to forget about all of this for the next 40 minutes. 30 minutes of that class consisted of me talking over the screaming from this boy coming from the hallway right outside our classroom. It was a bloody murder type scream. You know those kinds. What was unbearable, was not the screech and the volume themselves, but the fact that I felt completely and utterly helpless. I do not speak this kid's language. I see him twice a week for a total of 80 minutes. The help, the hug, the love, and the SAFETY I wanted to give this boy... I couldn't do it. Telling him it's okay, to calm down, and to give him the reassurance that I truly care about his well-being, his safety, and his education..were all things I just could not do. Instead I had to teach these 25 kids in front of me while listening to my student cry bloody murder 20 feet from me.

Later in the day, was a teacher's activities hour, which consisted of volleyball and a packed table of food and alcohol. This student's homeroom teacher was going on and on about what had happened. Very animated with her body. She put a hand on my shoulder and told me she was sorry and gave me a sympathetic smile. Teacher after teacher came up to me saying, "Sorry." "Oh, were you surprised?" I answered truthfully, "No. I was not surprised." It's as if everyone felt bad that the poor Native Teacher had to witness this in her class. I kept a smile on and tried not to make any sarcastic, rude remarks. I had just had it. I was ready to go home.

I started writing this entry yesterday.. so I'll continue on about what happened today. The homeroom teacher and the student came to my classroom about two hours ago and he apologized directly to me in Korean and in English. Honestly, I tried to look away because I felt tears coming. I must have told him at least 4 times in Korean, "thank you" and, "it's okay." I gave him a huge hug and I could have sworn I saw the tiniest smile form on his face. I hope that this is the breaking point for him in my class. I hope he sees that I am someone in his life who cares about him. From what I've seen, I'm not sure he has too many of them.




I know Korea is behind many countries. The country itself is only 60+ years old. As a friend said, they have a lot of growing to do. They have come so far in such a short amount of time. They went from being one of the poorest countries in the world who received international aid, to a country who can now afford to give it out... in just 60 years. It's quite amazing. But despite their advanced technology and fast-growing economy, they still have a long way to go. Their education system needs new ideas and resources. I hope this is where foreign teachers come in. If we can somehow make an impression on these teachers and administrators to realize that something needs to be done in terms of special education, then I believe we've come one step further to full acceptance of all people in this country.

Korean Culture and Education System

I’m going to let you in on a few things I have learned about Korean culture and the Korean education system. thus far. I hope you’re ready for some of this..

Throughout the rest of this blog, I want you to keep an open-mind. The most important part of experiencing and learning about different cultures, is having an open mind. The things I will talk about are not weird, they are simply…different. Although many are quite comical, even to Koreans themselves, still keep in mind that if you judge these differences, what you are really doing is closing your mind to the world around you and keeping yourself in that little bubble you call SAFE. And trust me, this world is a MASSIVE, GREAT world full of amazing, interesting, life-changing, people. 

Last minute Culture:

I am putting this at the top, because it is something that I was not expecting and I am still having a hard time getting used to it. Koreans do not experience stress like most of the western world does. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING is done, decided on, etc. last minute. I experienced this all throughout orientation. But now that I have left, I am now experiencing it directly. They may act like they know what they are doing, but they don’t. Their culture is simply to not stress about things that shouldn’t be stressed about. For example, my host (landlord) knew I was arriving and still... my apartment was not ready, so the apartment I had to stay in had no bed. (Although, the kindest man I have met thus far- gave me blankets, comforters and a pillow to sleep on, as well as taking me out to dinner… more about my first few days in Andong in a later blog.) At orientation, plans, events, would get changed in a matter of seconds, without telling the people that actually needed to know about the change of plans… aka us, and our teachers. My motto has become “Just roll with it.” And it is something I tell myself at least 5 times every day to keep myself sane.

  

Average day of a Korean student:

1.   1.  “Pre school” (before school): for an hour or two for private lessons or extra help.

2.   2.  Regular school: 8/8:30am- 3/3:30am.

3.   3.  After school classes: (I teach these as well. No curriculum for these, more lenient, more hands-on, fun activities. Relaxed, informal environment. The equivalent of enrichment classes) Most often English classes. Students often take up to two of these. After school classes are 40-50mins long each.

4.   4.  Students go to “hagwons” (private schools) Parents pay for hagwons, hence they care more about the work done at these schools than at thei regular public schools.

5.   5.  Dinner?

6.   6.  Private lessons/Tutoring: These are sometimes held in a student’s home or at a tutoring center.

7.   7.  Extracurricular Lessons/Activities: example: Violin, Tae Kwan Do, etc.

8.   8.  Computer time! StarCraft (Korean children are obsessed with this game!) Cyworld (Facebook equivalent). Although Facebook is becoming more and more popular over Cyworld. KaoKao Talk- Korean im-ing/messaging system on cell phones.

9.   9.  Sleep? – One lecturer asked my class where Korean students get their sleep? We didn’t have an answer, so he proceeded to tell us… Your English Class.- Unfortunately… he’s right.

Bullying:

“Wank-da” is the name for a bullied Korean child. These students are picked on because they are shy and introverted. These children are excluded from their peers. They are forced to carry others’ books and belongings. I had asked about this during one of the lectures in Orientation, and one of the other Korean staff members who is no more than two years older than me, repsonded with, “It’s much worse than that.” And then he said nothing more. Bullying is an increasing problem in Korea, and not a lot is being done to prevent it. Every school I have been in, in the States, has a Zero Tolerance Policy for bullying. Of course no teacher here encourages bullying, but the difference is that the consequences are not enforced. Consequently there has been a recent increase in teenage suicides.  This is a major problem in Korean schools and I intend to enforce rules involving bullying in my classroom.

Special Needs Students/No Failing of Classes:

Only in the recent years, schools have begun to implement services for special needs students, including resource push-ins and pull-outs. There are no self-contained classrooms in Korean schools. Just a few years ago, children who were considered severely disabled, simply did not go to school. Presently, special needs students are placed in inclusion classes, but most of them are not even classified, therefore they are not getting the services they need. This is mainly relative to culture. Most parents would be severely humiliated to admit that their child has a disability, so they just ignore it. The problem with that is, and every single teacher can agree with me here, is that these students now “slip through the cracks” as we call it. This happens to regular-ed students as well, for Korea has a policy where students cannot fail a class in Elementary Schools, which means that students cannot be held back a grade, even when it is clear that they need it. During student teaching, I was in a situation where I saw this first hand. If this particular student didn’t get left back, he would be sure to become increasingly more behind when he moved up. This would follow him and he would, for the rest of his academic career, most likely be one step behind all of his classmates. The primary grades are when students learn the foundations of language, and being that I am now an ESL teacher, I am speaking from an ESL perspective. How is that eighth grader going to start conversing in English with more and more mature English vocabulary and writing essays in English when they missed those basic steps in third grade when everyone else was grasping the concept of simple English and introductions?

Koreans bow.. A LOT. But please.. DO NOT keep eye contact during the bow:

It is a simple sign of respect. The lower the bow, the older, more respected the recipient. We really need to implement this in the States. It was odd at first having children bow to me. Though bowing has now become second nature to me, and most Koreans are surprised when foreigners bow to them, as they do not always expect we know to do that

Sip Coffee Slooooowly!

Koreans recently have started to become obsessed with coffee. Which is awesome! But beware… you better be a slow drinker. When accompanying someone for coffee, there are a few rules to keep in mind. The slower you drink it, the better. If not, your Korean friend will take this as a sign that you don’t enjoy their company, and that is hurtful to them.  If you are naturally a fast drinker, it is best to stress that you WILL BE getting another cup when you are done. (This shows that you DO enjoy their company, and you are not trying to make a quick escape.) When my lecturer told us this, he said he interviewed some college-aged girls and boys about this. Every single girl expressed this same feeling. But the boys… haha they had no idea girls felt this way. (We all agreed that these boys will think twice when they go meet a girl for a coffee date.)

Paris Baguette: 

They are EVERYWHERE. And delicious.

I am really 24:

Koreans are born 1 year old. Then they hit the Lunar New Year (January 1^st) and they turn another year. So babies born on December 31^st, are 2 years-old within 24 hours. Pretty cool.

E-Mart:  

Every foreigner’s heaven. Basically, a Wal-Mart, Target, supermarket, put together. They have EVERYTHING and they’re fabulous.

Business cards:

When receiving one, here is the protocol- Study it for a while, smiling, visibly admiring it, and place it on the table for the rest of the meeting/meal. Then at the end, put it in your wallet, but visible to its giver. For example, in that little window where you usually put your license/ID. Yeha you know hat I’m talking about. After placing it in there, admire it one last time. Whatever you do, don’t stick it in your back pocket. When you finally leave the man/woman, then is when you can throw it out or fold it up and put it behind that blockbuster card you clearly haven’t used in 2 years.

Always make sure to have socks:

Koreans take their shoes off before entering every home, school, restaurant, etc. So if you don’t want to show your bare feet, bring slippers or socks. Students carry a pair that they keep at school. There is usually a long hallway right at the entrance, filled with cupboards holding faculty, staff, and students’ slippers.

Anyone who knows me even a tiny bit… will know why this one is the hardest for me- Do NOT blow your nose in Public:

Wiping is okay. Every lecturer has said that they have never seen a Korean blow their nose in public except for one single time… He and his Korean female co-teacher were lesson planning. She was in a swivel desk chair. She had been wiping her nose the whole time (away from him of course), but suddenly she swiveled around to a 180 and blew her nose. She then continued her 360 back to face him, and continued on speaking, acting like the blowing of her nose never happened. That has got to be one of my favorite stories from orientation! SO remember, sneeze and cough away from people/the table. And leave the room to blow your nose.

Train Etiquette:

Subways in Seoul and Daegu are apparently always extremely quiet. I’ve got to say, NYC trains are similar. People really do keep to themselves. But if you are a foreigner, they will expect you to be loud, so please… give us a good name. Hold your phone conversations until you get off. Waiting for people to get off, before you step on, does not exist as much here.) Also watch where you sit. There are specific seats for the elderly, injured, and pregnant. They are clearly labeled. If you sit there, people will go out of their way to leave their seat and walk over to you, so that they can simply stand and give you the dirtiest stare you have ever received. And yes, these will probably surpass middle school dirty looks. Also, no eating on trains. Try telling that to the 6 million plus New Yorkers who eat a slice with no plate on the train at least once a day…

“Ajuma”:

Ajumas are elderly woman, who are often known, even to Koreans, as pushers and shovers. They are ALWAYS on a mission, and if it means elbowing you out of their way, well… they will do it. In our culture it is deemed rude, but Korean culture does not put much emphasis on those types of manners that we think are more important.

Manners:

Saying “god bless you” when someone sneezes, is not said here. And shoving your way through is more effective I guess, than saying “excuse me.” Also, there is also really no need to apologize to someone if you bump into them by accident. It’s actually really interesting, because Koreans just feel as though, for lack of a better phrase, “shit happens.” People will bump into each other, who cares? You don’t need to apologize for it every single time. Let’s bring this thinking into Times Square…Ready, set, go!

Gambling- Illegal:

If you’re thinking about playing a simple game of LCR in a bar, be ready for the bartender to call up the cops within minutes to arrest you. (I’m guessing playing LCR using chips is okay? I guess my family’s use of 20’s would not go over that well..)

College students get ready: Open Container Policy- LEGAL in Korea.

However: you might want to think twice, because there is a clear stigma that goes along with it. You are drinking on the street- you ARE an alcoholic.

Drunk Business Men:

Take a look on the street around 8-10pm You will probably see about 8-10 different business men, still in suits, literally falling over in the street and laughing at each other. Public drunkenness is considered a comedy act around here. And is completely accepted.

The Toilet Spectrum:

Oh yes- I have encountered my first squat toilet. And my first surprise of no toilet paper. It did teach me to not go anywhere without toilet paper in my bag. But that’s not all on Korean toilets! Don’t forget the other end of the spectrum… the best invention ever! HEATED TOILET SEATS. That’s right. Heated. That is all I have to say about that.

Germaphobes: Not Allowed

Well there’s a lot I can say about Korean food. First of all, I LOVE it. I can honestly say, that there is not one thing I haven’t tried yet, except for these tiny, silver, fish with their eyeballs still in and everything… but other than that. Awesome! We all know about kimchi, but I’ll explain it one more time… Kimchi is fermented cabbage, and Korean’s staple at every meal. Yes, breakfast too. You can have kimchi stew, kimchi rice, etc. But usually just regular kimchi is always, ALWAYS at the table. I finally saw first hand a kimchi refrigerator. Most every home has one. Try putting kimchi in your regular refrigerator- you will have kimchi chicken, kimchi milk, kimchi butter, kimchi yogurt, kimchi cheese… you get the point. Oh and if you’re visiting Korea, I hope you’re not a germaphobe. Korean meals are meant to share. The main meal and all of its side dishes are in the middle, and every person gets an empty plate/bowl. Chopsticks are going in and out of everything. Just roll with it.

Koreans are NOT dogs:

When beckoning a student or anyone for that matter- palm down. And wave your fingers underneath your palm. The other way around, like the way we are used to it, reminds Koreans of beckoning animals, and they are not animals.

Negation vs. Affirmation:

Instead of nodding or shaking their heads, Koreans use their arms for saying yes or no. To say no, cross your arms in front of you in an “X.” For yes, simply raise arms above your head, bringing fingertips together.

REALLY think twice about doing that “I’ve got your nose!” children’s joke in public:

We all know that game, where you squeeze a child’s nose, and put your thumb in between your index and middle finger and pretending it’s their nose. That pose is the equivalent of giving the middle finger in Korea. It was actually done to me the other night, by this over-served Korean friend we met. When we told her we knew what that meant and that it wasn’t okay, she went on to give us the middle finger. Then she started cracking up, saying, “joking, joking!”. We’re not taking it too seriously.

“Dong Shim”- Poop Needle:

Do me a favor and put your hands together, as if in prayer, then cross all your fingers except for your index fingers (Charlie’s Angel’s gun pose). Now imagine a student doing that (Elementary students) and either sneaking up to you or running full force, when your back is turned to them, yelling or whispering (depending on if they’re sneaking up or not) “Dong Shim!!!!”… and yep you know where I’m going with this. This is a very popular move among Elementary students (boys and girls) against teachers, so let’s just say my reflexes will always be ready, eyes open EVERYWHERE.

You’re not cool if you don’t have a dangling cell phone charm.

“Nunchi”- The Art of knowing/Relationships:

I was warned that I would not walk into my classroom the first day and be told what my job description is and what I was really expected to do. They were right. It is exactly the same outside of the school walls. In Korea, having that common sense of how to act in a given situation is KEY to surviving here. Of course, in doing this, you are most likely going to offend someone along the way without meaning to do so. Having nunchi is knowing how to carry yourself, what to say, and what place on the hierarchy to place yourself so you can act accordingly.

Do not write someone’s name in red ink. Their name is now connected to hell in some way.

Unlucky #4:

Apartments, business buildings, etc do not have a 4^th floor. In Tae Kwan Do, they skip the number 4 while chanting. If your favorite number is 4… do yourself a favor and just keep that one a secret.

When giving a gift or passing a food dish/drink at the table, pass with two hands.

Don’t just pour your elder a drink with one hand:

Pour with right hand, while left hand is supporting your right arm from underneath. I am still becoming used to this.

Yin-Yang:

Everything in life compliments each other and works together through a greater whole.