Reflection and Reverse Culture Shock (My Top 5 Concerns For Returning Home)

"The loneliness of an expatriate is of an odd and complicated kind, for it is inseparable from the feeling of being free, of having escaped."
-Adam Gopnik


A little over two years ago, I wrote my first blog entry entitled, "My Top 5 Concerns About Moving to South Korea."

Since I love reflecting on anything and everything, (I'm serious.. I do this all the time. Sometimes formally writing it down. I think it goes back to assignments back in school reflecting on our lesson plans..such a nerd I know.) Anyway!! I'm going to address those concerns and how they turned out to affect me or not, throughout these last two years.

While I'm at it, it makes sense to look into my top 5 concerns for moving back home.. that's a little later.

First, let's take a look at what those top 5 were..


1. Teaching:
Well, right from the beginning I had to throw out half of what I learned in University. Western ways of teaching don't always work here. The Korean education system was something I really had to get used to.. and fast if I was going to succeed here. Letting things go helped me to become more patient and more open-minded. A few things come to mind: In Korea, running, hitting, fooling around in the hallways and classroom is completely acceptable. Teachers do not need to be in the classroom when students are. Teachers, principals, etc. will drink alcohol on school premises (during school hours.) Principals and vice principals will get shitfaced and hit on girls in noraebangs and expect everything to be normal the next day at school like nothing happened. Teachers are often found sleeping at their desks when students leave for the day. Teachers and administration have a different relationship here than they do home. Teachers can be extremely nervous and scared to confront the vice principal and principal, even for the simplest of things. Discipline is on opposite sides of the spectrum- either non-existent or involves the use of corporal punishment (which became illegal in the time that I've been here.) There is often a tea time mid-morning where teachers are expected to drink tea/coffee and have snacks with their departments. It acts as a bonding time. Everything is last minute. Every foreigner living in Korea can account to this. And it's one thing that drives. us. crazy. But.. you deal, just like everything else. Children are way more trusted in this country, which I've come to love in this education system.

2. Collectivism:
This is something I've had trouble with the entire time I've been here. I am a very independent person and constantly being expected to do things in groups was a struggle. Koreans being curious and shocked when I did things differently than them, like played volleyball (because I'm a female), didn't eat rice, walked on my own for a bit on a field trip and not with the other female teachers, etc was frustrating. Having to explain to my students that they could be creative with activities and projects and that they did not need to do everything exactly how I modeled it, was a constant struggle. They needed to know EXACTLY what to do and questioned everything. I hope I sparked creativity in some of them, because I made it a point to single out the students who DID think up unique ways of doing things and who went against the grain.  

3. North Korea:
North Korea only seemed to be an issue earlier last year, when tensions were pretty high. I had a time where I was seriously contemplating coming home. I don't know if that was an easy way out for me; an easy excuse, or truly because I was scared. Either way, I stuck it out and North Korea continues to be the joke of this country.
ON another note I have read two amazing books on North Korea that I highly recommend:
"Escape From Camp 14"- A documentary about a North Korean born in a North Korean labor camp, who later escaped.
"Nothing To Envy"- A book that goes into the unbelievable life stories of various North Korean refugees. Quite the tear-jerker. A real piece of reality.

4. Food:
Before I moved here, I was worried about two things in this topic- The spice and the weight gain from starches (aka the rice.) The spice was a little tough in the beginning, but I've come to the conclusion that my taste buds have just become used to it. I'll have the occasional reaaaally spicy kimchi jiggae, but other than that, I'm a big fan of the spice now and it rarely bothers me. The weight gain- Unfortunately THAT happened. But I changed that very quickly my second year. I made a decision to stop eating the school lunches, despite the minor "cultural disrespect" and shock that caused my school. I started a serious workout schedule, started eating clean, and cut down on the alcohol. Those four things allowed me to lose a ton of weight and gain muscle I've never seen in my life. Though as these last two weeks are approaching, I have been making sure to get in all of my favorite Korean foods, including jjimdak, dak galbi, kiimchi jiggae, kimbap, mandu, naengmyeon, jajangmyeon (Korean-Chinese), Shabu shabu (Vietnamese), galbi. Authentic Korean food- I will definitely miss, but I'm grateful Flushing, Queens is only 45 mins away!

5. Transportation:
This shouldn't have been a concern at all. Transportation in this country is super easy. Buses and trains are almost always on time. Subways are clean and reliable. Buses can get too hot for comfort. Trains can be too loud at times. But all in all pretty grateful for being able to get around this country with ease.






So with 12 days left in this country I've called home for the last two years, I'm about to return to the States. Reverse Culture Shock has already set in and I'm not even home yet. Culture shock is a popular expression when you move or travel to a new country where you experience disorientation, due to a new environment that is different than your own. Reverse Culture Shock however, is not as well-known. It happens when you re-enter your home country from living abroad. It's an emotional and psychological re-adjustment period. It's also confusing, as you expect to go right back to how things were, but now that you've been away for so long, experiencing all these different countries, people, and different ways of life, you start questioning things at home that once seemed so normal to you. You may question your identity, your relationships, become bored, get the feeling that no one quite understands you. Just as it took time to adjust to being away from home, it's now going to take time to re-adjust to being back in your own culture. Reverse Culture Shock has been proven to take more of a toll on you, and take more time to overcome.  

1. Living at home/Finding an apartment
I haven't lived at home for an extended period of time for over six years. I was away at school for four years. I came home for nine months and then I came here, where I've been living on my own for two years. It's going to be an adjustment, especially because I don't know for how long I will be at home. My bedroom has currently been taken up by my brother and his girlfriend. So I will now be taking over my brother's room while he's up at school. But when May comes around, and the whole clan is back under one roof, I will need to have something figured out. By that point I'm sure I'll be ready to move out and find my own place, especially with school and a job starting. As my mom said, "this is a transition everyone goes through. This will always be your home. There will always be a place for you here if you need it." Thanks mom for the tears. But she's right. I do need and want to be home for some time before picking up my life yet again. I need that.

2. School Mode
Come August, it's back to the books. Grad School awaits me. I'm actually super excited to be in a classroom again. You can call me a nerd all you want, but I miss being around intelligent people who speak my language and have a common interest in education. As excited as I am, I'm anxious about getting into the mind-set of school. After two years away from it, it'll take some re-focusing. But I'm sure I'll get right back into it.

3. My So-Called "English"
Yeah.. about that. For the past two years, I have been speaking very basic, fundamental, English. It has involved many "ummms" and "uhhhhs" and " "you know what I means.." English teachers here all agree on this. We get it. We all do it. We leave out articles; we forget entire words. We go blank. I'm constantly paying attention to my grammar, because I know there's a big chance I'll mess something up. But it all makes sense. This is how we speak to our students and our co-teachers and colleagues all day long. Our English is not being tested for 8 hours a day/5 days a week. You go out to a restaurant, coffee shop, or store, and if for some reason you can't find your Korean, you resort to simple English. But the worst is speaking like this to your friends. It's actually quite comical at times. An example:
"You know?" instead of "Do you know what this is?" has been said numerous times between us.
    
4. Building Back Relationships
Two years. A lot can happen in 24 months. Especially when you're not around. Friends moved away, got engaged, got new jobs. Family had kids. My house now holds my older brother who I haven't lived with in about eight years. We now have my niece living with us which will be a complete joy!! We have skyped so much throughout this past year and I hope I have secured somewhat of a relationship with her through that. Me and my mom's relationship has become so strong and close. I think traveling together has had a lot to do with that. But like I said, I have lived here on my own for the last 2 years, so I guess it's normal to feel a little anxious to come back to living in a full house.

5. Boredom and "The Travel Bug"
I have been surrounded by people of different cultures, countries, and backgrounds for a long time now.. I've gotten used to it. Traveling gives you the power to meet all of these wonderful people, with all of these awesome opinions, stories, and experiences. You don't get that at home. Not in this way. You don't go out to your local bar and meet an Irish, Australian, Kiwi, South African, all with their own stories of how they got there or how and why they quit their job to travel the world. How they are running out of money so they're about to go home to earn some more before picking up and leaving again. THIS is what I will miss most. It is going to be the major thing that pulls me back into this enormous beautiful world.

One more because well, this one is big.. The Questions:
I have had friends ask me, "Are you coming home yet?" I've had friends whose families have asked things like, "So you're going to start your life now?" This is another thing I'm not looking forward to. People who do the 9-5, go to college, get married, have kids thing- some of them have this opinion that living abroad is a "way-out." A "vacation" before starting your "real life." It's judgmental and close-minded. But as my friend Lisa brought up, what if we expats asked these people, "So when are you going to see something outside of your comfort zone?" or "So you're finally going to take a risk and see how you change as a person?" She said in a way, these questions are more rude because we are the ones outside of the social norm, and asking it to people in the norm is more harsh. And while these questions are inevitable and I will react as best I can, like Lisa, I am not looking forward to them.

"How was Korea?" How was Korea.. hmmm. You cannot possibly answer that question to your own satisfaction. I received this question more times than I could count when I was home. I was prepared for it. My friends who were abroad longer than I was warned me. You need to understand that the person asking it really just wants a simple answer. "Great!" or "Such an experience!" When I was home, the people who asked me this question were family and friends who hadn't kept up with me being over here. Which is fine. And they're not being rude by not asking detailed questions. They just don't have any background knowledge on my life here. You need to keep in mind they are interested in their own way, but you're not about to sit them down with a 3-hour long conversation about your time here. There is no way you can possibly wrap up two years of your life here, how you've changed, who you've now become, how you see people, things, and the world differently. So you answer that question with a "Great!" or "Such and experience!" and be done with it. I can honestly say my mother is THE only person who truly knows just about everything that has gone on with me here. The ups, the downs, the in-betweens, the homesickness, the annoyances, the travels, the incredible moments. She knows pretty much all of them. And I'm grateful I had just that one person to really count on to listen. To my tears and to my laughs. She is one incredible woman for taking it all without judgment.  

These past two years have been an absolute joy. Despite the frustrations at times, I regret not one moment of my time here. I have become a better person because of it and I have changed in ways I never thought I could. I have made friends who are now like family. I have been thrown into situations that tested me to the absolute limits. Physically, emotionally, and psychologically.