The Hermit Kingdom

 North Korea- Known as The Hermit Kingdom because of its isolationist practices

Thanks to a friend in Andong, I came across these two sets of documentary videos about North Korea. WOW are these interesting. This man, Shane Smith, spent over a year trying to make his way into North Korea. His reasoning being simply, no one knows anything about it. And it's true. If you look on a map, you see the capital of Pyongyang and that's it. No streets, no detailing, no city names, no anything. It is unnerving to say the least. It takes you through his journey through The Democratic People's Republic of Korea. This is not typical boring documentary. This guy is so down to Earth and tells you how it is. He does not hold back  his opinion and is actually hysterical when it comes to describing his experience. He's got some set of guts, filming and taking us on this journey. When I first decided to move to South Korea, some of my family, was understandably nervous about me being so close to the North. I really didn't think a lot of it. Nothing has happened for years, and there have been empty threats and scare tactics that have lead to nothing. They have kept to themselves for a long time now. I've got to say though, after watching these, my feelings on this place that lies only a few hours away and shares the same land I stand on, have tensed up a bit. North Korea is the last Stalanist state in the world, completely isolated from almost everything and everyone. Shane takes us on a journey through a piece of this world that is terrifying once you realize the reality of it all.  I only embedded Video Part 1 of 3, so make sure to watch all three videos.

The second set of videos is about his journey into Siberia, where modern day North Korean labor camps are set up. Under Kim Jong-Il's regime, he ordered North Korean laborers (40+ year old men (chosen because they have families, so it would make it harder for them to escape, knowing their families would be punished)) to work for little pay and sleep in inhumane living conditions, just to make money for their home country. The Koreans set up these camps to imitate North Korean buildings and propaganda. It's as if they never even left North Korea. In this set of videos, Shane is even more gutsy, and the translators, Russian police, and friends met along the way who travel with him, are all at risk. And the North Koreans in charge of these labor camps are not at ALL happy with Shane and his group being there. They all admit they're terrified, but they all stand their ground, so that they are able to get as much information as they can. Again, I embedded only Part 1 of 7, so make sure to watch all seven videos.

**Don't worry Mom, you know I'm signed up with the Embassy haha. I know you may freak out just a tad when you watch these..

Amar

I'm missing Amar a lot these days, and today it kind of all hit me. It does that some days, where it all just comes down at once and the tears can't stop even if they wanted to. But most days when I feel myself thinking about her too much, I hold myself back because I know what those tears are capable of and honestly, I just don't have the strength for that. Like today. For those readers who are wondering who this person is. She is my grandmother. Bernadette Murray. She was one of a kind. And I mean that in every way possible. But she wasn't your average 85 year old, kitchen baking, Christmas sweater making, white-haired, boring grandmother. She was a vibrant, red-head, fashionista, Banana Republic and Anne Taylor wearing grandmother. She had too many shoes for her own good, had a loving relationship with red-wine, black tea and a daily piece of an Entenmann's pastry. Before she got sick, she could run circles around you. The second you told her you liked something of hers, she'd take it off and insisted you have it. She spent her last years in a beautiful beach condo. She was youthful, and that's how I choose to remember her. But she smoked, and she was diagnosed with lung cancer that moved quickly. She died on November 14th, 2009 at 66 years old.

My parents divorced when I was 6 and my mom was left with 5 children all under the age of 8 with the youngest only an infant. Amar stepped in as our second parent. Of course I remember her around all the time, and I have countless memories of her from my childhood, but it wasn't until she started getting sick, that I began to piece together what that meant. From what my mom and family told me, I started to realize that she was our second parent. She and my mom co-parented. She was the one my mom went to when she needed parenting advice. They were a team and she was a huge part of me and my brothers' lives. Because of that, we had a very unique relationship with her, unlike any of my cousins. And when she started getting sick, I thought because I was one of the older grandchildren, it was affecting me more so than the others, but my brothers were dealing with the same pain too. We grew up with her in a way that no one else really did. I lost a type of parent that day. I lost my grandmother, my friend and the person who helped raise me, and to not have her around experiencing this journey with me is devastating. She was the one who made it possible for me to go to New Zealand two summers ago. When she was still alive, my destination was still Thailand. She was so worried about me going, but she agreed to it because she knew it's what I truly wanted to do, so she supported me, despite the many questions about my safety there. She clearly had something to do with the cancelling of that trip due to the violence in Bangkok and re-routing us to new Zealand. She had everything to do with me getting there, and I had a rough time knowing that I was going to come home and not have her there to tell her all about it. I think of her visiting my aunt in Morocco, when she was in The Peace Corps, and I just hope that she knows I'm here and that she is looking after my mother. Religion has really never been a huge part of me, but there are times that I do feel her around and know that she is looking out for our family. Her and Pop Bernie.

I know this is a post mostly for my family, but they all know I write better than I speak to get my feelings across. Going through this journey without this woman is heartbreaking and I guess all it took was one John Denver song today to get it out of me.

From Strangers To Friends

So two days ago I went to my second teacher's dinner at a duck restaurant. I have come to love duck, but I was expecting it to be similar to the restaurant that my friends and I frequent in Andong. It consists of cut up duck meat that you cook yourself over a burner. Not here. They literally had an open duck that they brought out. Thank gosh the head was previously removed. It was halfway cut open, but we had to finish the job ourselves. When we opened it, the sight was amazing. I regret not taking a picture of it. Meat everywhere, along with cooked raisins and a variety of roasted nuts. I don't know how they achieved getting all of that in there. There were also two huge boiled eggs on the outskirts of the duck, which were excellent. The entire thing once opened, reminded me of a cornucopia. (maybe that's because I just finished The Huger Games,) but either way, it was a magnificent sight. And yes.. absolutely delicious. Just like our last teacher's dinner, there was course after course. I think they just order everything they can possibly get at these restaurants, because the food just kept on coming. From chicken rice porridge ( 닥죽 "dakjuk",) to some scrumptious red tea. However this time, my principal and vice principal were not shoving soju in my face so that was nice. Let's hope that was just a part of the Welcoming Dinner scenario.

So here starts the real interesting part of the night. I got a ride home from the head secretary along with some of other teachers. He dropped me and one of the other fifth grade teachers off a few blocks away from my apartment (He lives a block away from me.) Alittle side comment about this man.. he is hysterical! I have NO idea what he says or what he jokes about, but everyday during our tea break, (my English classroom is on the same floor as the fifth grade so we all have a daily tea and coffee break together from 9:40-10:00) he has these teachers laughing their heads off. And he'll just sit back like a great comedian does, never once laughing at his own jokes.  I was hitting my block, so I said goodbye but he stopped me, and in his broken English, got across that his son was meeting us. Of course he waits to tell me this at the last second as I'm about to step onto my street. So what do I say, "Oh great! Ok!" His son shows up literally 30 seconds later. Completely fluent, talking up a storm with me. First thing he says, "My father is worried about you because you walk to school every morning. He wants to drive you. I'm just transferring for my father. This is not my thinking." Hahaha. My favorite part- the use of transferring instead of translating. I explained that it's great exercise every morning especially with the big hill I have to climb up to get to the school, but his father wouldn't have it. So as of yesterday, I am now driving to school with him every morning. Of course I am beyond grateful, but I do miss my workout up that hill every morning and my time to myself. Just me and my iPod. That's the frustrating part, is that saying no here is such a hard thing to do because it's considered very rude, especially to those older than you. I am younger and I am a foreigner which means I need to oblige by their every wissh and make life easier for them. There's no good way of getting across, "Thank you so much but I really enjoy the nice workout in the morning, but thank you so much for your offer, I appeciate it." Again, collectivism is everywhere. There is not a lot of room to be independent and stray from what everyone else is doing, which is why I LIVE for the time that I do have to myself, where I can speak my mind and opinion and just do my own thing. I really do miss that. It's funny when you move to a new country, your mind wonders about all of the things that you'll miss in time. But they all seem to be material things, physical objects, etc. like certain foods, your bed, your family etc. But once you're here, you realize that some of the things you miss are things you can't see, touch, or feel.

I was invited into their home for coffee. His wife is great, so funny. She was telling me that this was a surprise, so she was running around like a maniac cleaning and clearing the floor for us. (By the tone of voices between her and her husband when we arrived, I'm thinking she had not been warned at all that I would be showing up at her door haha.) But like every other Korean's home I've been in, she was beyond welcoming, whipping up a tray of coffee, strawberries and melon. I found out that her son, who's English name by the way is Nixon, after the President (I chose not ask him if he is aware that this man is known for a huge political scandal.) He goes to Busan National University and majors in Chinese Literature. Smarty! So basically he is fluent in two languages and on his way to a third. Beyond jealous. I told him I have a Korean friend who majored in Chinese. He was very excited to hear this was a girl and not a guy. I told him I'd set them up, but then he laughed and said no no and got embarassed. Good thing, since I was joking. She has a boyfriend anyway. His father was asking question after question, of course the son translating. What do you eat for breakfast? You live alone? So then who cooks? What do you cook? Do you use Korean materials (I'm guessing he meant ingredients)? What does your father do for work? The night ended with Nixon asking me when my summer vacations are, because he wanted to set up English-Korean Exchange classes with me. So excited! A lot of people do that here. Very informal, we'll probably just meet at a coffee shop a few days a week and teach eachother our languages. I believe it's the best environment for learning a new language.

By the way, my car rides with his father have been going well. Today I taught him how to say "It is sunny." and "Tomorrow will be sunny." He taught me yesterday how in Korea, asking "How are you?" and "Did you eat breakfast?" is the same. My co-teacher later explained to me that this has to do with Korea's history of being so poor. Asking "Did you eat breakfast?" was the common greeting because people wanted to make sure you had a meal that morning. Me and this man went from annyeong haseyos and smiles to daily conversations in car rides to school.  

Flip Cup, Jeopardy, and Hangman... Work Hard and You Will Be Rewarded. Simple. As. That.

... Little did they know, they were still learning English. Never a complete freebee in my classroom.

One of my 6th grade classes finally earned themselves their game day today! As I explained in one of my first posts, I have a Behavior Plan Chart for all seven of my classes, and their first reward is game day. (The next is movie day, cooking class, and then a party.) I have been planning this day for a while now, so I think I was more excited than them when they got their last sticker on Friday. I wanted to make it extra wonderful so that they would tell the other 6th grade classes to bump it up. Hopefully it works. That is the plan. But mostly, because they really do deserve it. This class in particular puts in a tremendous amount of effort every day, and I really do appreciate it. I had three stations set up.

The first was, English and K-Pop Jeopardy. (I tried multiple times to get my hands on a K-Pop Bomb Game that's been making its way around Native Teachers here, but  the file is so complicated that it wasn't working. I gave up and just included K-Pop in the Jeopardy game). For all of you people back home, K-Pop is the pop music scene in Korea, and is BEYOND HUGE. These teenagers can't get enough of it, and I am beginning to become a little addicted to certain groups myself. With most K-Pop songs, the artists will have a few English lyrics wihtin the song. (some that make complete sense and some that you cannot decipher the meaning of for the life of you.. but those are all the more fun haha.) Like the bomb game, the K-Pop categories consisted of questions containing English lyrics, and the students would have to guess the name of that specific song. (For example, "Just like her I want to be pretty. Don't lie to my face telling me I'm pretty" -'Ugly' by 2ne1 and "Baby don't leave me, I know you still love me"- 'Bad Boy' by Big Bang.) Along with K-Pop, students had material from their textbooks to answer as well.

Station two was hangman. Students had a chance to be the teacher and pick from certain words I had previously picked out for them to use.

The third staion was their favorite... English Flip Cup. It's amazing how a college binge drinking game can turn into an exciting, beneficial, English review. I had printed out sentence strips (review from past lessons), and instead of filling their cups with water, they had to take out the sentence strip that was in their cup, read it, flip the cup.. and well you know how the rest goes. They LOVED it. Of course it got way to noisy during the first rotation, which is expected as a teacher when you introduce anything that strays from a typical day in the classroom. After reminding them of  them of their noise level, things went smoothly, and the students had a grand old time. The highlight was seeing these kids completely take on the role of college kid during a game of flip cup..cheering on their team, eyeing their opponents on the other side while simultaneiously leaning over the table to see who's going to finish first, and then turning into crazed people the second that last person on the end sucessfully flips their cup. Very comical for me. However, I think my co-teacher had more fun watching them than I did. She couldn't say enough great things about this game. I reminded them at least three different times, that they were the very first class to make it to game day and that they should be very happy with themselves. I think it made them feel really good to be rewarded in a class they only have three days a week. Here's a video of what I caught of game day while still trying to be in charge of the Jeopardy game going on... a little challenging.

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed it's the only thing that ever has.”- Margaret Mead

I recently became involved in the Andong Volunteers Association (AVA). This group started one year ago and consists of Korean and Foreign teachers/Andong community members. With every event the main members set up, there is a committee of us that join it to be in charge of that specific event. That's how I became involved with the River Clean Up Event for Earth Day. When I was in New Zealand, our main job was conservation work and reforestation, so this was right up my ally. The 낙동강 (Nakdong River) runs through most of eastern Gyeongsangbuk-do Province and empties out into the Korean Strait near Busan. The committee consisted of myself, Suzanne, Andrew, Tom, and Lisa. We spent about a month planning and pulling the event together, with major help from Kwan Sang-In, Suzanne's co-teacher, who also happens to be the English teacher at my second school (Pung Cheun) the four days a week I'm not there.

Fundraising!

Our awesome t-shirts!

cutie!

This kid wanted a dragon on his cheek. Lisa made it happen

Cassie, me, Lisa, and Meredith

Another precious one

These kids wanted everything!

Jae-ik, Tae-keun, and Lisa listening to Andrew explain the rules

Jae-ik

Tom and his new bff

Cassie, San-in, and Andrew really getting in there

I was in charge of getting a powerpoint together for every Andong Native teacher to show to their students, to get them interested in Earth Day. We also had awesome t-shirts made, that I sold to.. ready for it.. 6 of my students! bahaha. Yeah it's nothing, but it's better than I was expecting. We did last minute fundraising the weekend before, during the last day of the Cherry Blossom Festival, where we did everything from hair wraps, to face painting, to selling handmade jewelery (All help to Meredith, Cassie and the rest of the AVA main members.)

Tae-keun- "맥주!" "mekju" (beer)

The Cleanup was planned to be on April 22nd, Earth Day, but the forecast was rain all day. Of course we wake up, and what is the weather... absolutely beautiful. Haha but it all worked out, because we held it that next Saturday and it was wonderful. Not a lot of appearance, but a few of the others' students showed up, as well as two of my 4th grade boys, Tae-keun and Jae-ik. They were so into it, picking up all this garbage, playing around, having a great old time. It was fun to see them outside of school, where their personalities were brought out. They were absolutely hysterical. It's amazing how much of a language barrier there is between us, but then how much can still be communicated through facial expression, short phrases, laughs and smiles. Overall, a great day! Were we expecting more people? Of course. But we spent a Saturday morning making a little bit of a difference in our community, which was more worthwhile and rewarding than a lazy Saturday morning doing absolutely nothing to help our planet.

Skipping back to a week before the River Cleanup, there was another AVA Event. Open Mic! Which I performed in! Ahhhh. My very first one. I was iffy about it in the beginning. Anyone who knows me, knows that I've been singing forever, but once I hit college, regretfully I stopped joining any serious groups. I decided to sing Kate Voegele's version of Leonard Cohen's, "Hallelujah." Ryan, another native teacher here from Canada, was a saint, and agreed to accompany me on guitar. It was a great night, filled with awesome musicians, poetry, and a Korean girl deciding last minute to sing a number. Everyone said I did great, and that I "made the room silent," so I'll go with that. haha. There's a video on my facebook of the ending, but I was told that there will be a full video of all the performances being posted soon, so when I get that I will try to put it on here for all you non-fb users.

Me and Ryan

Adorable baby putting on a show the entire open mic

It's not all rainbows and cupcakes here..

Today was officially the first day I really just wanted to go home. Yes, culture shock has completely and utterly consumed me. I can't pretend it hasn't anymore. And I don't mean just the language, because if you think that is what culture shock is solely about, then you're for lack of a better word... a fool. I mean anything and everything is getting to me.

These are some of my.. not so.. favorite things:

• The unnecessary workout every time I got to the bathroom at school, because all they have are squatters... not to mention how it springs up intense pain in my knee's torn ligament
• the lingering and not at all discreet stares I get EVERYWHERE I go because I'm white
• the fact that my co-teacher can't even help me with what my bills say
• how internet banking and an ATM/debit card don't automatically come with your bank account, ( I still don't have both.. because "it's too difficult to set it up")
• the jokes and laughs students make at any black person they see
• the bullying that is seen but done nothing about
• how fist fights between students is not considered a cause to punish and is even laughed about by some teachers
• the incredible lack of special education services in schools
• the last-minute decisions
• the stereotypes of westerners (apparently all we eat is fried chicken, pizza, and hamburgers).. which makes it impossible to find one restaurant that sells simple turkey wraps, salads with GRILLED chicken, etc. (I haven't found one yet)
• the 101 ways to come off as rude just by the way you place your chopsticks on your plate
• most Korean stores do not allow you to try clothes on
• the EXTREME lack of consistent discipline, picking and choosing where Korean teachers DECIDE to discipline... makes no sense at all
• the constant beeping of taxis when they see a foreigner because they assume we don't know where the hell we're going and that we are definitely in need of a ride
• do you not believe in whole wheat bread?
• unmistakably, the most unsafe drivers on this planet (the light is red, there are pedestrians walking across the street.. why the HELL are you driving through 50mph?!?!) On that note...
• just because the little green guy in the light says you can walk, does NOT MEAN you SHOULD walk
• the fact that you can't stand in most bars and HAVE to find a seat, unless they might deny you entry
• you need to wait for other people at the table to finish eating even if you are done 15 minutes before, but then they just pressure you by giving alternating stares between you and your food (I've seen this happen between teachers and it is awkward for everyone involved, so WHY)
• ahjummas thinking they can do whatever they want, but mostly elbowing you to get out of their way
• why is there no skim milk available in coffee shops, and if there is, why must I pay extra for it?!
• subways closing at 11pm?!
• please stop telling me I have hips and won't fit into that skirt. I'm a westerner. Yes I have hips. I've known that my entire life, and I'm looking at the skirt because it's pretty, clearly I am aware it's not my size
• the difficulty in communicating my most simple needs.

Damn that felt good.

Now you understand why we need to be with foreigners or ourselves every weekend in order to stay slightly sane. As we've been told by many people, interviewers, Korean Teachers, other Guest English Teachers-  "Culture shock is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of normalcy." They're right. Of course I've noticed most of these things all along, but they were novel to me and interesting, and I was truly intrigued. But now, some of these things really, really get under my skin, and I have come up with 3 different choices for when they really agitate me:

1. close my eyes, take a deep breath and roll with it

2. remove myself from the situation before I say or do something I will regret

3. ignore it's happening. 

I'm proud to say I usually take on the first one, however sometimes I choose number two minus the removing myself part, which involves me saying something under my breath, or unfortunately a little louder. 

This whole rant was inspired mostly by today, but last week was just leading up to this post too.

Today started off great, but soon turned to chaos. During a group activity, I looked over and one of my 4th grade boys was punching another boy in the face. And I don't mean a light smack, I mean fist clenched and extreme contact to the face. 4th grade. 9 years-old. And they wonder how bullying starts here. I ran over, screamed at him to stop, he wouldn't, so I put both of my arms in front of the victim and the boy throws another punch, barely missing my arm. The anger and the determination in this 9 year-old's eyes was frightening. When he finally sat down, I stood there for the next 60 seconds peering down at them, letting them know my concern and my distaste. Now, I've heard stories of this happening before, so I knew right away what the reaction of my co-teacher was going to be (especially since she was 20 feet away but her presence was no where near this situation the entire time.) I went over to her after the 60 seconds, and said these exact words, "Did you see what just happened?"

"No, what?"

"That boy was punching that one in the face. Very violently."

She laughs out loud, covering her mouth, "hahaha. Oh really. hahahah"

I know fighting and physical contact like that in schools isn't taken seriously over here, but I did not expect a laugh. I gave her a look of disbelief, then she turned her face into a more serious look and that is when I walked away without another word.  (This would have been a situation in where I would say the wrong thing, so I held my tongue.) Five minutes later I went back and explained this additional difference between schools in America and schools here. I told her how in the States, fighting and any type of physical contact like that is taken VERY seriously. There would be immediate attention brought to it, inevitable punishment, a trip to the principal and/or social worker given the situation, and in extreme cases, suspension. She just kept saying, "Ohh woww, really, ahh!" In complete awe. I understand this is a different country, with different rules, different expectations, different ways of doing things, different interpretations of how rough is rough... but how is a 9 year-old punching the face of a fellow 9 year-old okay? It's just not. And the fact that bullying is increasing more and more in this country, the fact that there were 2 student suicides in this city and a neighboring one in the past month.. doesn't that ring a bell to anyone breathing... that it all begins with this. With picking on other people, with too much competition, with teachers doing absolutely NOTHING about it, so students take it to entirely new levels, because they know they can get away with it.. It is nonsense. It is insane. It is not okay. I know I am sharing these classes with a Korean teacher who has been doing this forever, but isn't it my classroom too? Aren't these students my students too? Isn't their safety in my very hands from the second they step into that room until the second they leave. They need to know my stand on it, and that I will never let that happen again in my presence.

I swear I envy my friends here who were not teachers back home. I have this teaching experience that I keep comparing this education system to, and some days I feel like that's not the best thing in the world to do. I'm constantly pulling ideas to get these kids motivated and energized and wanting to learn this universal language... but some days it barely works. I don't want to say that nothing has worked, because there are things I've pulled from my bag of tricks that have worked tremendously over here, just like they do in the States, but this is Korea. And that's America, and I have to treat it accordingly, even it goes against every single thing I was taught by my wonderful, wise professors. A lot of my ideas are shut down by my Korean teacher because it's "not the way we do things" or "let's just stick to the book" THEY HATE THE BOOK or "No. I think maybe this is too hard for them".. that one is the worst to hear, because it is apparent, especially now because of their recent test scores, that these classes are so mix-leveled. I clearly see the students who are bored because they finished the assignment in 3 minutes. But I also see the students who are struggling, playing with their pencils, because they barely know how to respond when I say, "How are you?" Sometimes I egg her on to at least try this technique or try this activity, because it will challenge the higher-level students, but if we do it this way, it will also accommodate the lower-level students giving them the extra scaffolding they need. Sometimes she'll be all for it (which usually results in her changing her mind at the last second, and pulling out a worksheet. So much for my idea) So most times I just give in, and say okay, and walk away. It's exhausting trying to make her see what I have to offer.

I would NEVER in a million years, go about co-teaching in this manner back in the States. When someone decides to become an educator, you agree to work with others. It is impossible to get around it in the school system, and I loved that part of it when I decided to become an education major and teach for the rest of my life. Teaching is about sharing ideas, receiving and giving input (which is not always input you want to hear or give, but you do it because it's part of your job and it benefits the students in the end.) If you are someone who likes to work by themselves and do things your own way, every time, then well, teaching is NOT for you, and it would be a dishonor and a disgrace to become one and do that to the children in this world. But here, with the cultural and language barrier, open communication is beyond difficult and it kills me that I feel like I should be doing more, accomplishing more,with my job here.

This job is a hard one and I feel like lately, I've just been getting by. Barely making a difference, barely reaching these kids, barely making an impact. I really do mean it when I say I envy my friends who come from no teaching experience.

I miss my niece terribly who will be 12 months old in four days.

I miss my family, who will be welcoming our 14th first cousin any day now.

I hate that I won't be there to pick up my brother from his freshman year of college. 

I miss the comfort of my home.

I miss my friends who are driving hours, flying across the country, reuniting in 2 days for our college's end of the year bar crawl.

I feel guilty I'm missing my brother's last few months of high school and everything exciting that goes along with it. 

I miss my mother the most. She is my best friend, my confidant, my inspiration, and some days it kills me to be so far away from her. 

Let's just say this day ended in a glass of white wine and an undisclosed number of Ferrero Rochers.

In the words of Annie:

"The sun will come out tomorrow, Bet ya bottom dollar that tomorrow. There will be sun."